By Shonda Lackey, Ph.D.
Do you disturb yourself over the way one of your colleagues interacts with you? Does it seem as if you’re always clashing with one of your colleagues? Research shows that workplace conflict is common. When employees find it difficult to work together, more than individual relationships are affected. Workplace conflict can also lead to low morale and decreased productivity within organizations.
A major cause of conflict is personality issues. Personality generally refers to a fixed pattern of thinking, behaving, and expressing emotions. These patterns occur in various settings and differ from what is typical in an individual’s culture. In addition to difficulties in interpersonal functioning, individuals with personality problems often experience disturbances in thinking, emotion, and impulse control.
Some people with personality problems get help to overcome their interpersonal difficulties at work, but many don’t. These individuals usually don’t believe the way they relate to others is problematic. They are often unaware of how their interpersonal style affects professional relationships. That means you might have to adapt to working with a colleague you view as interpersonally difficult.
Try to separate the behavior of your colleagues from who they are. Although you may not like what they are doing, it doesn’t mean you have to despise them. No one is perfect. The behavior your colleagues exhibit is usually more about their distorted perceptions than it is about you. Being able to consider the possible context of a colleague’s behavior may make it easier for you to empathize with them.
Once you can separate the behavior from your colleague, you can be assertive. Describe the problematic behavior objectively to your colleague, state how the behavior makes you feel, state your preferences (not demands), and state the positive outcomes for both of you if your preferences are met. In extreme cases of workplace conflict, you may have to consult with a supervisor to help you reach a resolution, but it might not have to come to that.
From another perspective, you may be wondering if the way you interact with colleagues is having a negative impact on your relationships at work. If you want to have better relationships with your colleagues and have not been able to get those results on your own, consider a consultation with a mental health professional such as a psychologist.
Remember, although you can’t control how your co-workers relate to you, you can control how you relate to them.